The last several weeks have been quite an adventure. My body has continued to change in mysterious ways that surprise me everyday, I do a wide pendulum swing between exhaustion and nervous cleaning spurts ( otherwise known as nesting) and my hormones have created mood swings so dramatic that all I can do is hold on for the ride and see where they go.
Sunday I woke up, ate breakfast and with the exception of an hour nap, I didn't stop until 10 pm. I cleaned, did laundry, worked on Harpers room, and did Christmas baking for my coworkers. Justin sort of just stayed out of my way and let me do my crazy thing.
Emotionally and spiritually this time has been way more challenging. We have been very adamant about making sure we experience this birth to the fullest, whatever it means. Which to me means not inducing or using pain meds if possible. I am open to those things if they are medically necessary, but after going through the labor process last year during my miscarriage, its been important to me to have a POSITIVE labor experience. Which also means the seemingly eternal wait. We specifically prayed for Harper to come between the 16th and 23rd of December or December 27th-31st. My due date is officially January 7th, and most women go past that with their first. Our insurance deductible goes from $3000 to $6000 on January 1 though, which in the long run of her life and health is not that much money, but it is a tough exercise in trusting Jesus to know exactly when she needs to come out. In the midst of all of this I feel I have lost sight of what is REALLY important here.
Harper Elizabeth and who she will be in Jesus.
For a while now I have really felt that she will be an instrument of praise to Jesus. Her name literally means "maker of Harps", which in scripture is referred to always as an instrument of praise. I know this may seem silly, but on the newest U2 album is the song "Magnificent", which for some odd reason struck a very emotional chord for me. Particularly the line in the song " My first cry, it was a joyful noise". Its multi dimensional for me. It confirms what I have felt in mt heart about her being " an instrument of praise" and when I hear that line I always get a visual in my head of Dr. Babb holding her up right after she is born and her SCREAMING her head off. After losing a child, I imagine that noise will make my heart stop and race all at once. Once I sat down and listened to the lyrics I knew this was Harpers song. I am still brainstorming ways to incorporate some lyrics into her room. Pay attention to the lyrics of the second verse.
Update: Today I created 3 jpeg files I want to print and put in her room, but I need to find a place that will do it cheaply and on canvas ( any suggestions would be awesome!)
The 2 green ones will be on the end and the purple will go in the center. I was thinking over her crib maybe???
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